One thing that isn’t often spoken about is how hard it is for men to approach women with romantic intent. It’s actually one of the hardest things we ever have to do and that’s the reason why the vast majority of us only ever do it while drunk and specially defined scenarios like a bar or a club. Well I don’t want to be that way anymore and have decided to get over this fear once and for all so to that end I’ll be approaching 2 women every day for 50 days and writing about what happens.
And just so we’re clear; this isn’t about ‘getting laid’; it’s about breaking through my personal limitations and learning to become a much stronger man. When a guy approaches a girl he doesn’t know, every one of his insecurities are shoved right into his face in technicolour HD and it’s in that moment that he really finds out what he’s made of.
It’s time to find out what I’m made of. Let’s do this.
See the whole challenge here.
Day 40 – mystery women
Hello humans. Before I get started let me please say once again that if you’re a secret fan of my blog then I definitely want to know who you are, how you found me, and what you get from following me, so please get in touch @ ciaran@ciarancallam.com.
So at the risk of sounding like a hashtag broken record; today’s post will once again be a departure from the norm. You see, I did indeed approach 2 women; one was a black girl and the other was white, but they both carried on without stopping and I don’t have anything to say about them that I haven’t said a million times before over the past 40 days.
My plan was to find and speak to another 2 women and then act like my first 2 approaches didn’t occur; but I went to the Google campus to do some work and bumped into someone who rejected me on one of the earliest days of this challenge. She doesn’t want to be named so I’ll respect her authoritah (get the quote?) but basically, in the weeks since we met, she’s become a bit of a fan of the blog and has shown it to one of her closest male friends who’s also become a reader.
She told me how inspirational she thought this challenge was as rejection is something everyone has to deal with, whether male or female and that led to us talking about her and her own life. You see, she’s 29 and literally just got out of a serious relationship; one where she feels like she lost sight of her identity and dreams and she’s now trying to pick up the pieces to figure out who she wants to become. She said she’s been focused on her career for years but now doesn’t know if it’s what she really wants. She wants to give something back to the world and contribute in a way that’s either small or large but ultimately beneficial, but doesn’t know what that could be. She’s started a book that she wants to finish and she also wants to be an awesome housewife and a mother of 2 amazing children at some point down the line. She’s now at the age where she feels like it’s time to become the woman she was always meant to be and because of that she’s set herself a 5 and 10 year plan for her personal growth.
What was really cool about this is that her reaction to me today was noticeably warmer than when we first met. When I clocked and recognised her, I said ‘Let’s grab a coffee!’ and she was all like ‘Yeah, let’s do this!’ without a shred of resignation or trepidation. It was like she felt like she knew me, and what was interesting was how comfortable she was divulging personal aspects of her life. Even she had to say ‘Yeah; this is really weird for me, because I never have conversations like this with strangers, but I feel like I can do that with you.’
But to be fair; things like this have been happening to me quite a bit lately. I find myself having conversations with people in which they’re opening up about private aspects of their lives. I guess it’s because they see me doing it first and hence feel comfortable to do the same.
Oh well, onwards and upwards.
Thoughts
I tell pretty much all the women I speak to about this challenge, but unless I stay in touch with them I have no idea what they thought when they checked it out, so this was a really cool experience.
It was one of those ‘Gave me a warm and fuzzy feeling in my heart’ experiences.
One of those ‘It meant a lot to me and I won’t forget it in a hurry’ experiences.
‘One of those ‘God damn! Life really gets interesting when you step outside your comfort zone!’ experiences.
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