One thing that isn’t often spoken about is how hard it is for men to approach women with romantic intent. It’s actually one of the hardest things we ever have to do and that’s the reason why the vast majority of us only ever do it while drunk and specially defined scenarios like a bar or a club. Well I don’t want to be that way anymore and have decided to get over this fear once and for all so to that end I’ll be approaching 2 women every day for 50 days and writing about what happens.
And just so we’re clear; this isn’t about ‘getting laid’; it’s about breaking through my personal limitations and learning to become a much stronger man. When a guy approaches a girl he doesn’t know, every one of his insecurities are shoved right into his face in technicolour HD and it’s in that moment that he really finds out what he’s made of.
It’s time to find out what I’m made of. Let’s do this.
See the whole challenge here.
Day 34 – woman number 1 – Maera
Hello humans. Before I get started let me please say once again that if you’re a secret fan of my blog then I definitely want to know who you are, how you found me, and what you get from following me, so please get in touch @ ciaran@ciarancallam.com.
Yo! What it do, peeps? What’s the crack, Jack? How’s the flow, Flo? Tis I, Ciaran and I have another 2 sets of approaches to tell you about today. Woman number 1 was a Middle Eastern beauty who was walking towards me as I headed to the Google campus this morning. I saw her as she walked by, ran back, looked her deep in the eyes and said ‘Hey, I’m sorry for the interruption, but I have to let you know that you look absolutely incredible!’ When I said that, her eyes lit up and she smiled from ear to ear. I think I even heard a giggle too. Here’s what happened next:
HER: Thank you! Thank you so much! You make me so happy!
ME: No, thank you for looking so amazing!
HER: (laughing) That is such a wonderful thing to say!
ME: So what’s your name?
HER: My name is Maera.
ME: And you’re not from here, are you?
HER: No, I’m from Turkey, I have been here for 1 year.
ME: Let’s have a coffee, like right now.
HER: I am sorry but I cannot. I am on my way to the art shop and I also have partner.
ME: No worries, Maera. Take it easy and have a great day!
HER: Goodbye and thank you. You make me so happy.
After that, I left the lovely Maera to carry on about her business in the way that only she can; and continued my pilgrimage to the Google campus. This was when I bumped into Kayla.
Woman number 2 – Kayla
Kayla was an Australian fitness chick who looked like one of those CrossFit athletes you see online. In any event, she literally leapt out of a coffee shop and skipped up the road in my direction so I stopped her and told her she looked amazing. She looked back, smiled and laughed and before long we ended up in a chat about who the hell we both were and why the hell we’d moved to London.
She’d moved for the hell of it and to try something new and I moved to find fame and fortune (still working on both). Good old Kayla was a bubbly soul with a great energy about her and was on her way to meet a friend to view a new property. We walked and talked and I asked for her number so she asked me for mine. I then told her that we both knew that if I gave her my number, her innate feminine nature would ensure that I’d never hear from her again; and she laughed and said ‘Well there’s a better chance of it happening then if you don’t!’ I then asked for her Facebook and she asked for my Facebook name. I told her that I was a big boy who could handle a no and she said ‘But this isn’t a no! It’s more of a maybe!’ In any event, I told her how to find me and split the scene to get my day started, knowing I’d never hear from her again.
Thoughts
I’ll tell you one thing I’m definitely noticing as I do this challenge, the ratio of negative responses is really falling. At some point in the first couple days I had a woman look me in the eye and bluntly say ‘Why on earth would you want to talk to me?’ or words to that effect, but that almost never happens today. As I’m becoming more comfortable approaching it seems that women are becoming more agreeable to talking to me. Also, I’m realising that logistics play a huge role in this stuff too.
Take Kayla for instance; she genuinely liked me but was on her way somewhere and as a result didn’t have much time to talking to me and hence feel comfortable enough to pass on her information. Some other women would have done in that time period but not her. She just needed more time which simply wasn’t available. I’m also noticing that there’s different reasons why a woman will or will not give you her number and often even though she likes you she’ll still say no.
At this stage of the challenge, I can confidently say with no ego that if we’d met while she was sat and chilling in a Starbucks and not on her way somewhere we’d have spoken for 20-30 minutes plus and made plans to meet for dinner. Once again, let me say that there’s no ego behind that statement (well maybe a little), I say it because I can just tell from past experience in conjunction with how we interacted and the things that she had on when we met.
I guess it’s another reason not to take any dating related rejections to hear because when they occur, there’s probably a whole host of circumstances causing that rejection which have nothing to do with you as a person.
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