One thing that isn’t often spoken about is how hard it is for men to approach women with romantic intent. It’s actually one of the hardest things we ever have to do and that’s the reason why the vast majority of us only ever do it while drunk and specially defined scenarios like a bar or a club. Well I don’t want to be that way anymore and have decided to get over this fear once and for all so to that end I’ll be approaching 2 women every day for 50 days and writing about what happens.
And just so we’re clear; this isn’t about ‘getting laid’; it’s about breaking through my personal limitations and learning to become a much stronger man. When a guy approaches a girl he doesn’t know, every one of his insecurities are shoved right into his face in technicolour HD and it’s in that moment that he really finds out what he’s made of.
It’s time to find out what I’m made of. Let’s do this.
See the whole challenge here.
Day 28 – woman number 1 – Kelsey
As I write this post I’ve got one of the most moving and epic songs of all time playing on a continuous loop; so if my writing seems especially dramatic today, don’t blame me, blame Hans Zimmer.
Anyway, lady number 1 of day number 28 was a young and blonde haired human called Kelsey who I saw in Starbucks as I was setting up my laptop for a hard day’s graft. She walked in, ordered a drink, waited for said drink, collected it, and then bounced; so I left my bag, laptop and iPad at my table (thieves be damned) to run out after her. On a side note, I’m not sure why I didn’t approach her while she was waiting for her drink. I thought about it, but just didn’t feel comfortable doing it. In any event, here’s what happened when I said hey:
ME: Hey, I just had to let you know that you’re looking amazing.
HER: Are you serious?!
ME: Pretty much.
HER: Oh my God, wow.
ME: Come back to Starbucks for a drink.
HER: I can’t, I’m on my way to work.
ME: Where do you work?
HER: Just up there.
ME: Walk and talk?
HER: OK!
Kelsey was a hairdresser from Camden who was sipping hot chocolate to help nurse the epic hangover she earned knocking back shots last night. I walked her to her building and we chatted along the way. It was a chat that was oh so slightly nervous at first, but free flowing and vibrant by the time I’d left. In any event, we swapped numbers, agreed to stay in touch and I ran back to Starbucks before some slick opportunist tried to walk off with my shit.
Woman number 2 – Cora
Woman number 2 came hot on the heels of another 60 minute heartfulness meditation session (they’re getting easier btw). I’d left Starbucks by that point but my big brother called to beg me to get him an Americano so I popped into another shop to get it, and that’s where I saw her sat against a window listening to music. I told myself I was going to say hello as soon as I got my coffee and once it finally arrived I did just that. I walked over, sat down next to her and politely got her attention. When she noticed me, she pulled her headphones down so I let her know I thought she looked really pretty which she seemed to enjoy.
TANGENT: One thing that’s really rewarding about this challenge is seeing the looks on some of these women’s faces when I tell them that they’re beautiful. Some don’t appreciate it, but for the ones who do, it’s something special to see, because they light up from the inside out and it makes you feel great about yourself.
TANGENT OVER. NOW BACK TO REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING.
Cora’s from Austria, likes literature, poetry, and psychology (in that order); is on holiday in London for a week and wanted some recommendations for things to do. I tried to be the all-knowing and cool local who’d steer her into some amazing activities but annoyingly she’d already done the vast majority of stuff I suggested.
- Camden? Check
- Shoreditch? Check
- South Bank? Check
- Sky Garden? Check, check and triple check!
I’d never felt so powerless! In any event, she hadn’t been to either Brixton’s Market or its world famous Satay Bar restaurant, so that was good. When I told her about The Satay Bar’s theme of oriental cuisine served with Caribbean spice, her eyes lit up immediately so I suggested that I take her there soon and she agreed. She seemed to care more about eating its food then spending time with me so I asked her if that was the case and she just laughed and said ‘No comment!’
Ouch!
Anyway, after we agreed to go for dinner, I told her about this challenge, which had her feeling a bit sceptical at first, but once I properly explained that the purpose is to overcome anxiety, she soon came around. In fact, she said that it’s something she can relate to as she is and has always been very shy but believes in stepping outside of your comfort zone in order to grow as a person.
When I said that the same was once true of me too, she said ‘I find that impossible to imagine.’ Now that’s the second time in as many days that someone’s said that to me but you know what? It never gets boring to hear.
Anyway; I spent a good few minutes talking to Cora before I realised that my dear brother’s beloved Americano was getting cold; so I told her I’d be in touch and split the scene like a fat man in tight jeans with a split seam, you see?
Si! Si, senor! We see! Si!
Thoughts
So there’s some interesting things about today’s approaches that I wasn’t sure if I should say for fear of seeming arrogant. But having said that; my goal is to be honest at all times and I’m doing neither you nor me a service by holding back out of fear. So with that in mind if I do inadvertently come across like I’m up myself with what I’m about to say then please know that it’s not my intention.
#letsdothis
So I pretty much knew for a fact that my interaction with Kelsey would be positive. I didn’t necessarily think we’d swap numbers, but I knew we’d have a good vibe together and it’s because I could tell she liked black guys. I knew I’d be her type. Now don’t get me wrong, she didn’t make eye contact with me before I said hello, so I had nothing but life experience to base that on but that’s what I was thinking.
I don’t know about you and where you’re from but in England (as with anywhere else I guess) there are some girls who like black guys and some who don’t. Now, of the ones who do, some you’d never be able to tell and with the rest, it’s just obvious. There’s just something about their attitude and dress that screams it at you if you know what to look for, and that’s what Kelsey had in my opinion.
Of course it could also be possible that I’m wrong and it was my misplaced belief in the fact that I was her type that had me radiating an inner spark which piqued her attention and ironically fulfilled my own prophecy, but I don’t think that’s the case.
Where Cora was concerned, I didn’t necessarily think I’d be her type but something told me she was friendly. I actually sat down next to her before I started talking, which when I think about it, is actually quite a forward thing to do because if she told me where to go, I’d have had to get up and bounce away like an unwanted rubber ball.
I’ve said this before, and I guess I’ll say it again, but I think that doing this is refining my social intuition and helping me to pick up on cues that I would have overlooked in the bygone days of yore. And that can only be a good thing, n’est pas? Anyway, that’s all from me today, ciao for now, human.
Valar Morghulis
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