One thing that isn’t often spoken about is how hard it is for men to approach women with romantic intent. It’s actually one of the hardest things we ever have to do and that’s the reason why the vast majority of us only ever do it while drunk and specially defined scenarios like a bar or a club. Well I don’t want to be that way anymore and have decided to get over this fear once and for all so to that end I’ll be approaching 2 women every day for 50 days and writing about what happens.
And just so we’re clear; this isn’t about ‘getting laid’; it’s about breaking through my personal limitations and learning to become a much stronger man. When a guy approaches a girl he doesn’t know, every one of his insecurities are shoved right into his face in technicolour HD and it’s in that moment that he really finds out what he’s made of.
It’s time to find out what I’m made of. Let’s do this.
See the whole challenge here.
Day 20 – woman number 1 – Lydia
So Christmas is well and truly over and the author of this sentence is now back in London, having left Birmingham and his parents last night. Hopefully, the young adult demographic of Central London means that his days of inadvertently approaching teenagers are well and truly a thing of the past. In any event, my encounter with Lydia, the first lady of the day; came as I was walking past a Pret on my way to yoga class. Loosely put, I saw her sat at a stool in the window, thought she looked amazing, and immediately walked in to tell her that.
When I did, she laughed and said ‘Oh my God, that’s so nice, wow, you’re making me blush!’ which was great to hear. I asked what she was doing and she said she was there to write a CV but from the amount of lazy reclining I saw her do on that stool, there clearly wasn’t much writing going on.
In any event, not only are Lydia and I both from Birmingham but actually the same part of it too. Crazy coincidence, huh? Now I was at least 20 minutes early for yoga so I asked her to have a coffee with me there and then, but she said she couldn’t because she has a boyfriend but if not she’d have definitely taken me up on my offer. Now that might have been pure and unadulterated bull manure, but if so, it was manure that my ego happily accepted. After that, I then told her about this challenge, gave her a link to the blog, shot a selfie with her, and then recorded the video you can see below.
Woman number 2 – Aleksandra
Woman number 2 was a blonde who came into Starbucks while I was working and sat halfway across the room from me. I barely saw her at first because there were a few people in between us and I was knee-deep in my personal affairs;; but said people eventually left and when that happened I couldn’t help but notice her. Sadly; once I realised I wanted to do an approach I was yet again confronted with my old and dastardly nemesis. You know, the fear of approaching women with romantic interest in front of a live studio audience?
There were several people around and the area was far quieter than I’d have liked. I think I spent one, maybe two agonising minutes trying to spur myself on to walk over until some oblivious woman entered and parked her derriere right next to the blonde, making the situation even worse!
When that happened; I cursed myself for not having acted sooner and just picked myself up and walked over. When I reached her, I basically said:
ME: Hey, I don’t mean to bother you, but I just had to let you know that you look incredible.
HER: ‘Oh, really? Thank you.’
ME: I’m going to go and get myself a drink, but when I get back, would it be OK if I sat and spoke to you for a few minutes?’
HER: ‘Yes, yes, that would be fine.’
ME: ‘OK, see you in a bit.’
After that, I went downstairs, got my drink (hibiscus tea if you’re curious), came back, sat down and spoke to her. Her name was Aleksandra and she was a digital media project manager from Germany who’d been in London for Christmas but was leaving today.
She said she was from Hamburg, that it’s the most beautiful city in Germany, and that in her opinion, people in England are friendlier than Germans (I disagreed). Anyway, I spoke to Aleksandra for maybe 10 minutes before giving her a link to this blog, and telling her to have a safe journey back home.
This whole being intimidated by approaching women in public thing is weird. For every fear I’ve had about it, no bystander has ever said a word when I did the actual approach. They just sit there and pretend not to be avidly listening to what’s happening. Now that is pretty much what I expected but experiencing it so many times in the flesh really makes me wonder what on earth I was scared of.
Some strangers overheard me talk to a woman. Big deal.
Anyway; I don’t really have much to say about today’s approaches but something really cool has just happened. Remember Krid, the Thai girl I met on day 14 and went for a drink with on day ‘who knows when’? Well she randomly ended up sitting opposite me in Starbucks just now and gave me my own reusable Starbucks cup as a belated Christmas present. I was really moved by that. I mean, sure, the things only cost £1 a pop; but it was a very nice thing that she didn’t have to do.