One thing that isn’t often spoken about is how hard it is for men to approach women with romantic intent. It’s actually one of the hardest things we ever have to do and that’s the reason why the vast majority of us only ever do it while drunk and specially defined scenarios like a bar or a club. Well I don’t want to be that way anymore and have decided to get over this fear once and for all so to that end I’ll be approaching 2 women every day for 50 days and writing about what happens.
And just so we’re clear; this isn’t about ‘getting laid’; it’s about breaking through my personal limitations and learning to become a much stronger man. When a guy approaches a girl he doesn’t know, every one of his insecurities are shoved right into his face in technicolour HD and it’s in that moment that he really finds out what he’s made of.
It’s time to find out what I’m made of. Let’s do this.
See the whole challenge here.
Before I start, I have to apologise for the lack of postage lately, but I’ve been at home with family and it’s made this challenge impossible to keep up. From Dec 23rd till early this morning I didn’t see a single female who wasn’t family and I don’t know about you guys, but where I come from we take a dim view of trying to pick up one’s relatives. So with that in mind I thought it’d be best to put all that stuff to one side for the holiday period!
In any event, I’m gonna do something just a wee little bit different today and focus not on the approaches I did but on a chance meeting I had with an old friend. Loosely put; yours truly lives in London but hails from the great second city of Birmingham and that’s where he’s been over Christmas.
But the thing about being back home with my family is that the demographics of their neighbourhood are somewhat different to those of Central London.
Central London’s an ideal place to do a challenge like this because the women are all aged between 20 and 40 but where my parents live they’re all under 20 and over 50, neither of which seems appropriate. It’s also a less densely populated place so in order to find women to approach you have to be prepared to camp out in one spot like you’re waiting for the new iPhone. So with that in mind; I went out to Birmingham City Centre today to both get some work done and do this challenge and that was when I bumped into a guy from school called Jean-Paul. I’ve literally not seen this dude since we were both 16 so it was weird as all hell to bump into him randomly like that. Anyway; we got to talking and he said that he’s currently going through a divorce which has damaged his self-esteem. We sat and spoke about our mutual goals for the future and the fact that we’re both committed to burning through self-doubt and becoming men that we can be really proud of and this is when I told him about this challenge.
He thought it was a hugely inspirational idea but not something that he could actually do himself and that’s when I decided that we weren’t going to leave each other’s presence until he’d spoken to two separate women. This did freak him out a little but I explained that it’s not really about whether or not anything comes from any particular interaction, but about doing it and realising that you’re gonna be OK no matter what. That irrespective of whether or not you get rejected, you get to see what you’re made of and that this increased confidence permeates through the rest of your life.
He agreed in theory so we went for a walk and had a look for some women to approach. Now he was clearly out of his element and nervous as hell, so he came out with all the excuses that me and any other man will have when we’re pushed to do something like this. Some women were too tall, some were too intimidatingly attractive and others weren’t attractive enough. Eventually I just shoved him into the path of a girl and he spoke to her with nervous energy radiating from every pore. I didn’t quite hear what was said but she basically carried on walking without stopping and he came back to me feeling a little bit sheepish but ultimately much, much better for doing it. The more he realised that nothing bad happened, it was like a veil had been lifted and he was like ‘Shit, this isn’t actually that bad is it?’ so we went off in search of another woman for him to charm.
That woman turned out to be a pretty brunette who he stopped and said ‘Hey, I just wanted to let you know that you look really stunning. I don’t ordinarily do stuff like this and I’m quite nervous, but I just had to say it.’
From what I could see, she beamed at him and gave a genuine thanks before he walked back to me feeling very chipper and with extra pep in his step. After that, we did some shopping, bought some lattes, and agreed to go out clubbing tonight.
Oh and as for me, I of course did 2 approaches today too. One of which was a woman who carried on without stopping and the other was a girl who was with her friend when I stopped her. She was unbelievably flattered by my approach but ultimately had a boyfriend.
Que sera sera.